The “Opportunity” of Solo Parenting

Well, folks, let me tell ya, nothing screams “personal growth opportunity,” like a recent divorce and the joyous task of solo parenting two teenagers. If you’re imagining quiet family dinners and peaceful Sunday mornings, you’re either delusional or heavily medicated. The good news? I’m still standing, and so are the kids.

Welcome to the Battlefield

The bad news? We’re standing in the middle of a battlefield where the WiFi is patchy, and everyone’s favorite coping mechanism seems to be slamming doors or seeing who can scream the loudest. Add in the soundtrack of constant bickering and the occasional melodramatic outburst, and you’ve got yourself a reality show no one would voluntarily watch.

The Sweet Taste of Freedom (Sort of)

First up, the good stuff. Freedom. Sweet, unadulterated ‘freedom’. No more picking up dishes or clothes that aren’t yours or pretending to enjoy your ex’s hobbies. I get to eat ice cream for dinner if I want, and the remote is mine — all mine! If I want to watch back-to-back episodes of Vanderpump Rules, well, dammit, I’m gonna do it!

Reality Check: The Solo Mission

But then reality smacks you upside the head with the realization that ‘freedom’ also means being the sole person responsible for keeping two human beings alive, educated, and somewhat socially acceptable. That ‘freedom’ suddenly feels more like a mildly terrifying solo mission. Turns out, the remote isn’t that great when it’s just playing constant reruns of “Mom, where’s my…?”, “Mom, I need a ride to…” and “Mom, I need money for…” episodes. And let’s not forget the thrilling plot twists of surprise school projects and forgotten dentist or therapy appointments.

Teenagers: The Bad and the Ugly

Now, let’s dive into the bad. Suddenly, I’m both mom and dad, referee and cheerleader. My to-do list never ends, and “me time” becomes as mythical as a unicorn. And then…. there’s teenagers. Specifically, my 17-year-old and 13-year-old who have turned the art of eye-rolling and passive-aggressive silence into an Olympic sport. If you thought handling one moody teen was a challenge, try doing it with two while navigating the aftermath of a toxic divorce. They’re like tiny, hormonal judges, silently critiquing my every move, reminding me daily that I’m awful or such a bad mom.

Teenagers: The Ultimate Reality Check

Oh, and let’s not forget about the hard truth: My 17-year-old thinks he knows everything, and my 13-year-old is convinced I’m her bro who knows so much more than me. Ohhh, AND she is the most perfect daughter in the whole world <– she told me to write that. I couldn’t possibly know what I’m talking about.

The Epic Struggle of Wills

Every day is a battle of wills, and I’m just trying to make it through without losing my shit. Every decision is met with a sigh that could power a freaking wind turbine, and I’ve given up on trying to remember what a normal conversation sounds like. Oh, and let’s not even talk about the perpetual state of their rooms, which resemble post-apocalyptic wastelands more than living spaces (I take that back; it’s really only the 17-year-old’s room; her room isn’t too bad).

Embracing the Dumpster Fire: Facing Ugly Truths

Now, let’s not forget the ugly. There’s a special kind of ugly that comes with a bad divorce. It’s the late-night panic attacks, the financial strain, and the emotional baggage that refuses to check itself at the door. And there’s nothing quite like the thrill of discovering that your ex has decided to be the “fun parent,” leaving you to be the disciplinarian, homework enforcer, secretary, Uber driver, and general buzzkill. It’s a role that comes with zero applause and a lot of complaints, under their breath, of course, about how unfair life is.

Juggling Flaming Chainsaws and Dodging Gossip

Meanwhile, I’m over here juggling bills like a circus performer and trying to remember what a full night’s sleep feels like. And the cherry on top? The delightful gossip from well-meaning acquaintances who always have unsolicited advice on how you’re doing it all wrong, or better yet, those who don’t even acknowledge your existence in public. (That’s ok because I know the truth, and so do the kids, and really, that’s all the matters to us/me.)

The Hard Part Nobody Tells You About

The hardest part? The loneliness. Oh sure, people warn you about the financial struggles and the emotional toll, but they don’t mention the crushing isolation of being the one who has to hold it all together. I am the default parent, therapist, and personal assistant to two mini-dictators who somehow know exactly how to push every button I didn’t even know I had.

Surviving the Endless Nights

The nights stretch out like an endless desert, with only Netflix (and the occasional alcoholic drink) to keep me company. Sometimes, the highlight of my week is a text from a friend making sure I’m still alive. And let’s not forget that navigating an identity crisis as a single mom with teens feels like trying to find my way out of a corn maze while everyone else uses the GPS they got for a wedding gift.

Honesty: The Best Policy (But Only Sometimes)

Let’s end with some brutal honesty. Despite the chaos, the resentment, and the all too frequent feelings of inadequacy, there’s a raw, unfiltered truth to this experience that’s oddly empowering. Yes, it sucks most of the time… a lot of the time. But there’s a resilience that comes from surviving the storm, from finding strength you didn’t know you had.

Finding Resilience in Chaos

It’s about finding small victories in the madness, like when the 17-year-old gives you a rare, unsolicited hug or actually cleans his room, or the 13-year-old doesn’t immediately go to her room once she enters the house. So here’s to us—the imperfect, exhausted, occasionally sarcastic warriors of post-divorce motherhood. Cheers.

Here are some single-parent strategies that I have collected from various articles, blogs, etc., over the last year. Keep in mind that these are things I struggle with by the minute.

1. Create a Support Network: Build a strong support system by connecting with friends, family, or support groups for single parents. Having people to talk to and rely on can help alleviate the feelings of loneliness and provide practical assistance when needed.
   
   
2. Establish Routines and Boundaries: Set clear routines and boundaries to create a sense of stability for both you and your teenagers. Consistent schedules for meals, homework, and chores can help manage expectations and reduce chaos.
   
   
3. Practice Self-Care: Prioritize your well-being by carving out time for self-care activities, even if it’s just a few minutes a day. Whether it’s reading a book, taking a walk, or enjoying a quiet cup of coffee, small moments of self-care can significantly improve your mental health and resilience.