You’re unhappy. You feel like you’re always walking on eggshells. Your life isn’t where you want it to be, and you can’t help but wonder, “Is this all there is?!” On your wedding day, amidst the flurry of excitement and anticipation, there’s an overwhelming sense of joy and hope for the future. As you stand before your partner, exchanging vows and promising to love and cherish each other for a lifetime, thoughts of divorce or the possibility of your partner becoming unrecognizable are far from your mind. The day is filled with promises of forever, dreams of a shared future, and the belief that love conquers all.

Little do you know, the journey ahead will test these convictions in ways you never imagined. It’s a sobering realization to look back on that day and realize how much life can change, how people can evolve, and how relationships can unravel. Yet, amidst the heartache and disillusionment, there’s also strength found in resilience and the realization that even in the face of unforeseen challenges, there’s always the possibility of healing and growth.

Marrying someone you believe is a wonderful partner and envisioning a life filled with support, love, and shared responsibilities is a dream many of us hold dear. I, too, embarked on this journey with a man I thought embodied those qualities—a great man who would not only be my rock but also an involved and caring father to our future children. However, as time unfolded, I began to see glimpses of a darker truth hidden beneath the facade.

What I mistook for confidence was actually an insatiable need for admiration. What I thought was assertiveness was, in reality, manipulation to maintain control. As the veil of illusion lifted, I discovered that the person I had married was a narcissist—a master of deception whose self-serving tendencies overshadowed any genuine care or concern. The realization was a devastating blow, shattering the image I had held dear and leaving me to grapple with the harsh reality of a relationship built on lies and manipulation. These manipulations ranged from financial control to emotional abuse, leaving me feeling powerless and trapped.

Staying in a dysfunctional marriage can be hell for many reasons. You feel like you’re living a lie. I started to feel like that more than ever about two summers ago. I realized that living the way I was living wasn’t what I wanted…the environment wasn’t healthy for me or the kids. I was teaching the kids that this relationship, our relationship, was what relationships should look like. But it is absolutely not the kind of relationship they should hope to have in the future.

At the same time, it’s daunting and intimidating to think about turning your life upside down. And you’re not just turning your life upside down, but you’re turning your kids’ lives upside down, too. Fear begins to take over, and there are so many things to fear when you think about things. You’re afraid of devastating your kids, affording divorce lawyers, and worrying about your finances. On some level, you’re embarrassed that you let things go for so long. But staying in this unhappy marriage is unhealthy and stressful. You’d be surprised by how much being in a lousy marriage affects your health and well-being.

Because divorce is a big decision, it can leave you feeling sick to your stomach; believe me, I’d know! What if this is a mistake; you don’t want to make this kind of mistake. This decision could be a colossal mistake; so, instead, you do nothing and keep on riding things out. You tell yourself, ‘I’ll just wait until the time is right’; ‘I’ll know when it truly is time.’ But the truth is, you’re stuck.

The problem with doing nothing – staying in a difficult marriage just because you’re not sure if you’re ready to get a divorce – can be disastrous. Being in this place – in limbo – takes a toll on you no matter how smart you are… staying in a bad marriage will just about kill you. Yet, through all the pain and disillusionment, I found the strength to reclaim my autonomy and protect my children from the toxic influence at home. Though the journey ahead is fraught with challenges, I am determined to break free from the chains of narcissistic abuse and create a life filled with genuine love, empathy, and authenticity.

Have you ever found yourself in a situation where you felt trapped in a dysfunctional relationship or marriage? How did you cope with the conflicting emotions and uncertainties?

How do you navigate the decision-making process when contemplating ending a relationship or marriage, especially when children are involved?