While we struggle finding foods for KEM, we also struggle with finding the right balance for KMM’s foods. She can eat whatever she wants (in moderation) while her brother can barely eat anything at all.  The normal drop off and pick up routine includes eating a snack in the car but that cannot happen now.

KEM’s restricted food and calorie intake has me feeling guilty if and when KMM asks for something.  Once I pick her up from daycare the first thing she asks for is a snack.  If I have one I tell her she has to eat it quickly, before we get her brother.  Or KMM asks for specific items that we could have on hand but she wants to eat it right then and there and often times right in front of KEM.  So far this week I feel as if she’s gone to bed hungry or mad at me.  She asks every night to eat ice cream. And usually she asks right in front of KEM.  Our response usually is no because it’s not fair to her brother.

Two nights ago, when it took KEM an hour to eat cod fish, KMM sat on the floor in the kitchen hiding while she ate some raspberries.  I was afraid of KEM seeing her eating more since he can’t eat more.  At one point I looked down at her and realize she is working on the last raspberry – the package was full when she started. “Crap” I think to myself. Was she that hungry or did she really just feel like eating them all.

Obviously, she was happy she got to eat more. But I instantly got upset at myself because I thought immediately that I might be starving her unintentionally.  We have been telling KMM she can’t eat XYZ because it’s not fair to KEM. But we also can’t ignore how unfair this is for KMM too.

Tonight I had KEM go to the basement to relax and play on his Kindle. Then KMM asked for dessert. Since KEM was in the basement I quietly had her come to the kitchen and find a few pieces of candy. I then reminded her she couldn’t eat those things if KEM came nearby.  I now feel like I’m teaching KMM to be sneaky and work the system. Ugh. Where is the parent manual??

I know we just have to figure out a nice balance that works for us but sometimes I feel like we won’t ever figure it out.  Could I be accidentally starving her?  Is he getting all the attention?  Does KMM feel like we are abandoning or ignoring her?  Does KEM feel like he’s getting enough to eat?

All I know right now is that dealing with this new meal plan and disease is really hard…. but I’ve never been one to give up that easily.