Walter Payton said “Remember, tomorrow is promised to no one.”  I have never felt that so intensely as I do right now. Do you ever feel like you can’t catch a break… like there seems to be a huge, gray cloud just sitting over top of your head… and it isn’t just affecting you but those around you too?!

It has been a very rough few years… and I just feel like there is a reason it hasn’t gotten any easier, but I keep searching for that reason because I haven’t come across it yet.  The crap started to get more intense in November… I got into a bad car accident with K2.  I ended up totaling my car and both of the air bags deployed in the accident.  I have always been a firm believer in the statement “things are replaceable and people are not.”  I just never thought I would have to experience that in my lifetime to that magnitude.  The only one with scrapes, bruises, burns, and a partially torn tendon was me.  I can honestly say I am so thankful that I was given those experiences and not K2.  While we were able to walk away unscathed I still think about the fact that in that one moment in time I could’ve seriously hurt the kids and/or myself.  I still find myself scared out on the road especially when K2 are with me.  I get even more scared and on edge when they are fighting in the car!  It is a work in progress… I remind myself that I need to show them bravery… I need to show them that whatever you are afraid of you have to try to not let it beat you… don’t give up and always fight!

In addition to the car accident, my family has experienced a lot of loss over the last few months as well.  Yes, I know that everyone experiences loss and everyone has a story and my story and situation could be worse.  But right now I feel like me and my family all need a little break from all of this.  Please leave my friends and family alone just for a month or two. One positive thing to come from all this loss was all of the family getting together to not only grieve but also to love and support each other.  It is sad that loss tends to bring us together but I know in my heart that those who have passed are watching and smiling down on us while we tell stories of the past and relive some of those fun adventures.

Then 2018 ended and I thought for sure 2019 would bring more happiness… maybe even a little less stress?!  While there have been many positive experiences in the month of January, (Kailee got featured on Dover Skating Center’s Instagram account:
https://www.instagram.com/p/BtMvhMxgOXw/?utm_source=ig_web_button_share_sheet , Kane got for the most part, a positive report from his Gastro doctors, we had a family fun day bowling at xbos, and I got to get all dressed up and attended Dancing with the Delaware Stars) there still has been much sadness and sorrow.  And the worst part in all this sadness and sorrow… living far away from my family, especially when they need me and I need them the most.  I crave the connection that only they can give me.  I need to see them in person, to hold on tight to them, and feel their loving hugs.  I feel so helpless here while they are there struggling.  I hate not being able to help out.  It makes me feel lost.  Sometimes you need to take a timeout from your every day routine and just go home…

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